just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
