I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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