she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize