so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
