Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
