took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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