I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
