I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize