it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
