somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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