between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
