Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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