been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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