I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
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