You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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