No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just blew my weed a kiss
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
