I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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