yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize