I puked a lego.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
