I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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