Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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