i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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