If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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