The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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