I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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