The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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