so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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