Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
