I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
