you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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