She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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