Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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