I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
