those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
