I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
