You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize