john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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