im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
