he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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