Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
