i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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