Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
