isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
