So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize