my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
