Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
