Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
