No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
