i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
