Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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