he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
