Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
