literally had 100 drinks last night.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
