I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
