Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
