Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
