your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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