Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
A+ Viking dick
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
