If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
