So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize