surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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