And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
