How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
