Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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