if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
