You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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