Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
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