That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
