arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
