I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
